Poor Being a State of Mind

I'm trying to ride out my spending splurge.

It was/is planned, and I'm in no danger of losing my job, but I continue to have mild panic attacks about it.

BUT... my Rock Shed, aka 'Deepholm' is coming in two weeks.

How cute is that??

And after, the plan is to get my saw.

And then the spending will STOP. All my summer classes will pay for the saw and the rest towards taxes for teaching those 4 weeks of classes.

I think the way I worry about money in a very similar to the way I worry about my weight.

I fret after every single meal, every time I get on the scale before a shower. Heck, I fret during my meal, when hunger usually wins over the 'second helping and an after meal handful of nuts' fret! A 1/2 tsp. of sugar in my coffee? Yep, then too. And yet, to just about everyone that sees me, I'm not overweight at all. True, maybe constant fretting has kept me within 5# of my ideal weight, but mentally, it's exhausting. And not fun.

I wonder how much healthier it would be on all levels, to relish and enjoy the bites I DO take?

I find I'm the same way about money. My recent rock splurges have that same base 'WANT' that my second helpings do. Like scratching an itch. And then I beat myself up for it. True, these last few months I've been spending more than I bring in, but I also have a tiny bit in savings to cover it, and no bills will be left unpaid.

True, I have and use a home equity line of credit that I got to replace my leaking roof, and YES, I'm putting my shed on it too, and all of it will be paid off now in less than a year. Do I lose my Frugal Membership because I use credit? Will I be booted out when I get a new car to replace my 20+ year old truck in a couple of years and not pay cash??

Dear Universe, please don't let me turn into the little old lady that lives with one lightbulb on and no heating, and moans about not having money, then dies with tens of thousands of dollars in the bank.

Cheers!

Paypal isn't real money, right?

{{WARNING: this is a rambling post. 4 more days left in the school year. I'm surprised my brain is still thinking at all!}}

In my mind Paypal money, unfortunately, is akin to Monopoly money, or gold in World of Warcraft. Not real. My inner shopper comes out in spades with pretend money!

I had sold a couple of pieces, and the 'money' was there.

But I had a goal. I wanted to apply to the Artery, an artist coop here in town. And I felt I needed more rock~ so buy, I did. It was very pretty rock.

Ocean Jasper

Boulder Opal

TIffany Stone

So now pretend money is gone, and I did not get accepted into the artist coop.

Sad panda.

I have a new goal, however. In August, there's an opportunity to be accepted through a jury of my work into an Open Door Arts Studio space here in town. It's brand new, grass roots, and friends have already been accepted. But fresh from licking my wounds from my recent rejection, I feel my wraps are too common. I heard they had rejected a quilter and a knitter. The judges, one of whom I'm familiar with, obviously have a distinction between 'Art' and 'Craft.'

I have stopped pushing the wire, and had made pieces that I thought would be more acceptable to the artist coop.

... and now I feel I have to get riskier to be seen as 'arty' enough to be accepted as a possible tenant for these studios. Which means more tools and materials to take it in the direction where I want to go. Heavier gauges, micro-torch and dipping my toes into silver smithing.

(Frugal aside: I had taken a class in high school in jewelry making. And I had kept all these 35 years, the pad that you solder on. I was so excited! I wouldn't have to buy it, and I knew where it was! When I showed it to Bubby, he looked at it carefully, googled, then pronounced that it was asbestos. Asbestos!! Argh.)

I only have 7 years before I retire, I say to myself. I need things in place before my regular paycheck disappears. Things that came up this year were Bubby quitting his job and going into business for himself. New roof. New air conditioner.

There are more things on that list in this 7 year time span. Pay off my mortgage. Get a new vehicle to replace my 22 year old gas guzzling truck. And sell my jewelry.

I really feel that this Open Studio is a wonderful opportunity. The idea of becoming part of a community and be around other artists is exciting! So....I guess I'm still on my spending spree.

P.S. No shed for me. They didn't even show up! What kind of business is that? Grrrr.